She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
