ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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