I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
