That's when you crack a 10am beer
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
