They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
