I faked an abortion last night.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Come on in and take your pants off
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