Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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