Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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