she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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