Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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