My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
