Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
