My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
