I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
