yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
