i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
