That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
this boner is exhausting
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
