I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
3pm strippers are depressing
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NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize