I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
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All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
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THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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