You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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