he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
