garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I smell stomach acid.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
