You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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