there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
