i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
