If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I didn't notice because vodka
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
