I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize