We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
