Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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