You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
