Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
