Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
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Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
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He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize