i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
