Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My vagina is officially offended.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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