then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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