Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
