im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
