either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
