Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I want to walk on stilts...naked
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
