DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
