what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
don't judge my taste in strippers
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
