"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
