no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
