There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
