Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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