And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
