I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
