last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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