Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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