how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just forgot I was standing up.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
