Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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