I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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