Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
