how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
