Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
