Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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