Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
