I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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