I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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