Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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