Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
