There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I checked into jail on foursquare
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
