I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
