Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
