You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
