Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
