your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
