i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
